


Between Your Heart And Mine

by PoliticalPadmé (magnetgirl)



Category: Star Trek: Discovery, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Complicated Relationships, F/F, Love/Hate, Moral Ambiguity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnetgirl/pseuds/PoliticalPadm%C3%A9
Summary: Amilyn was chaos and Katrina was order and it was their undoing.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo/Katrina Cornwell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11
Collections: Star Wars Rare Pairs Exchange 2019





	Between Your Heart And Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Artemis1000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis1000/gifts).



> I am SO PLEASED to write this story as I desperately love both these women. I hope you can forgive me putting a First Order uniform on Katrina, but I've long headcanoned her as someone who grew up with the Empire and their propaganda. She's no longer a true believer, but it's hard to leave home and join what you've always understood to be a terrorist group, and Kat is both pragmatic and an idealist. And that set up worked really well for some of your listed dark likes.

Her head hurt. 

When she first woke up she'd welcomed the pain. As secure as she was in her choice, she was relieved to discover she'd survived. There was work to be done and life to be lived. But in the weeks since she woke up, she'd done neither and it was starting to take a toll.

The First Order treated her wounds, even grew her new skin in some places. But once she was stable she had been transferred to a detention cell. It was small and cold and way too bright for her newly hypersensitive eyes.

She was fed twice a day, a protein bar with no flavor whatsoever. When she complained to the stormtrooper who provided it he told her it was the same food they were rationed. She added that to her list of reasons to hate the First Order and didn't mention it again.

She was dressed in some smuggler's discarded jumpsuit. It was green once but now looked and smelled like someone had died in it, most likely because someone had. Her clothes were ruined in the explosion and she refused to stay in the enlisted uniform they'd first provided her. She would rather be naked than dressed like a fascist. 

But her cell was cold and her head hurt.

The blast had wrecked her eyes, left her intolerant of light. She tried to keep her head down but the cell was too small to escape it. When the trooper came with her dinner she asked him to turn off the lights but he said he'd need to get permission.

"At least turn them down?"

He hesitated, but shook his head. "I'm sorry." It was the same one who had told her about his dinner. They were almost friends by now. But he was a soldier and she was a prisoner. Prison isn't supposed to be comfortable.

Maybe they actually meant to torture her. Except they hadn't interrogated her at all. Not even questioned. It didn't make sense unless… unless her plan failed. If she'd sacrificed herself to save 400 lives and nothing less than the future of the galaxy and the only life she saved was her own… Well, that would be a terrible irony. _That_ would be torture.

Another week went by before someone showed up to authorize her request.

"So you made it off Starkiller Base." She said it in as biting a tone as she could muster but the truth was Amilyn was pleased to see her. They'd been on opposite sides from the beginning. It didn't hurt any less to think of her gone.

"I was never on Starkiller Base," Kat answered with a pained expression. She sounded weary.

"Are you here to help me escape?"

The only response was a sigh. Amilyn took that as a no.

Katrina crossed the room in three steps, to place the case she was carrying on what the trooper called her bed. Holdo called it a slab that stuck out of the wall and hurt her back. But she didn't say so because she didn't want to hear that he slept on one too. It was a lot easier to kill stormtroopers if you didn't think about them as people. 

Cornwell removed a panel from the wall, did something she couldn't quite see, and the lights dimmed. Holdo let out a sigh of relief before she could stop herself. Kat glanced at her over the wall panel. 

"Why didn't you look away?"

Her voice was an ocean of emotions. Amilyn heard pity, confusion, accusation, anger, fear - and beneath it all a hurt that was familiar and extended all the way back to girlhood.

She ignored all of that and shrugged. "It was my heroic sacrifice. I wanted to see it." It wasn't supposed to harm her because she wasn't supposed to live. The thought made her cold.

"They can't repair your cornea."

"I wouldn't want them to." Holdo wanted nothing to do with the First Order just like she wanted nothing to do with the Empire. She had always been very clear about it throughout their history. "Anyway, I like the dark."

Kat sighed that sigh again. She replaced the panel and returned to the case. With a quick press it opened, hissing as a puff of air escaped, and she emptied it onto the bed. Clean clothes, soft boots, a grooming kit, and two brightly colored blankets. None of it was marked with the seal of the First Order, nor even looked utilitarian. Even the case was engraved with only her initials. Small comforts from a wide perspective but Amilyn appreciated the effort. Katrina closed the case and turned back, retrieving a small vial from her jacket pocket. 

"Drops," she explained, meeting Amilyn's eyes. "May I?"

Silence grew as they held the look. Holdo didn't want a collaborator's hands on her face. But she did want Cornwell's hands on her body. More than she wanted to admit.

Finally she nodded and tipped her head back. Katrina carefully administered the drops into each eye and pressed her fingers to her eyelids. Her touch was soft and warm and Amilyn swallowed a sob. She hadn't shed a tear since the evacuation of D'Qar. She refused to cry now.

Kat stepped back and handed her the vial. "They won't let me give you painkillers."

Amilyn nodded. Katrina took a breath and started to gather herself, to leave. She'd reached the door before Amilyn found her voice.

"They haven't asked me any questions."

Kat turned. Her fingers were tight on the handle of the case. "We're... in transition. The new Supreme Leader-"

Holdo gasped. "What?"

Kat looked away. "I didn't realize…" She pulled her lips in over her teeth, closed her eyes a quiet moment, the tension clear in the space between her brows, before looking back. "The kid is in charge now."

She didn't mean a child. She meant the offspring of her enemy. Leia's son. 

Amilyn felt ill. She dropped onto the bed suddenly, her legs couldn't hold her any longer. Vaguely she understood that she was having trouble catching her breath, that her face was wet with tears and her heart was pounding in her chest so fast it hurt. She heard a crash and arms were around her, a voice was ordering her to breathe. She leaned into the embrace, desperate for comfort, touch starved and lonely and tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of everything. Katrina held her as she sobbed. Her breathing was steady, her embrace tight, and she stroked Amilyn's head, calm and measured and soothing. She was a rock. An anchor and a mooring.

Amilyn was chaos and Katrina was order and it was their undoing.

"He'll burn up," Holdo whispered, when she'd finally calmed enough to speak. "He'll burn up and take the whole galaxy with him."

She pulled out of the embrace and Kat met her eyes. There was so much to say and never a time to say it. Any response Katrina gave could be construed as treason.

"I don't want you to win," Amilyn told her in a low voice, still raw with tears. "But I don't want him to die." Leia deserved better.

Katrina squeezed her hand. "I will do all I can. I promise." Amilyn knew it to be true. And Leia wouldn't thank either of them for the pact. 

"She hates you," she said with sad eyes. "She hates that I love you."

Neither moved. War didn't allow for love.

"I'm not doing it for her," Kat answered, and stood. She smoothed her uniform, tucked her hair back behind her ear, and walked with purpose to the door. She paused at the exit, but didn't look back.

"It worked," she said, finally. "They got away."

Amilyn let out a ragged breath. The door slid shut, closing her in alone again. Amilyn took a deep breath and started to unbutton her borrowed jumpsuit. There was work to be done and life to be lived.


End file.
